Monday, January 22, 2007

Discontented...

I'm not even positive that's a word, but its how I feel. Something needs to change...probably lots of things need to change, but SOMETHING has to change in my schedule and life in general. I'm DYING doing the third shift thing every Friday and Sunday night and often an on-call shift in the middle of the week and never, ever, ever, getting decent sleep due to #1) a screwed up internal clock, #2) a baby that still wakes up at night, #3) A Small house and Children that make noise during the day while I'm trying to nap before and/or after my shifts.

I'm an ICU nurse and really, I should be at peak performance, not struggling to keep my lids open and praying for inertia to propel me toward my patients rooms to finish up all my tasks in the morning at the end of my shift. And I just have no patience (not patients) for ANYONE. Everyone seems to annoy me these days. That's not nice. I don't to be *that* grumpy, negative person at work and I feel really bad for my kids when I get grumpy and short at home.

My DH works part time and has 2 million excuses why he can't get a job that will work around my schedule (and since I bring home nearly all of the income working this weekend program it doesn't make sense to give it up). Its all just hogwash I tell you. And I'm going to smack him and his mom if I ever hear one of them tell me one more time that it would just be easier if I picked up one more shift than for DH to get a job....you know because I make.so.much.money!!! Whatever!!!

And I won't even get started on all the little crappy things at work that tick me off lately. I will have been at my hospital for TEN years this coming July so I don't want to just up and leave my organization and loose all my seniority. But, I was scoping out a position in a new urgent care center run by hospital but at a remote site. Its 3pm-11pm, and I believe every Fri, Sat. and Sunday. So I'd still be on the weekend program and get my time and a half. Very tempting. I'm trying to get up the guts to at least inquire or apply for it.

I don't know, I realize I'm just rambling here, but I feel like something needs to change. I feel so pressured and stressed out trying to be a good mom making the right parenting choices, the main breadwinner, and an ICU nurse who has lots of responsibility and liabilities every time I work. My house is a pit and I lack any motivation to even get the basics done anymore. I feel like I'm getting depressed and I need a jolt out of it.

Ok, I just came back to add that part of this is probably hormones too since its been 19 months since I've had a period and I'm sure I'm in for a huge one. So, yeah, some of this frustration and discontent are fueled by lack of sleep delerium and hormones...

1 comment:

teachermom said...

"Now is the winter of our discontent" - don't ask me who said it becuase I can't remember and I'm too lazy to even google it right now.

I get it - it really sucks when work is frustrating, sucks when things at home are frustrating, and suks ROYALLY when both are frustrating at once! If I were to offer any advice (which you totally didn't ask for!), I'd say to do whatever you can about whichever thing you can do anything about.

Oh, and take a day where at least the kids stay in PJs, because they're soooo stinkin' cute running around in sleepers all day, how can a person not be in a better mood?!

Oh, and come out and visit your East Side Peeps! :)