Wednesday, January 09, 2008

A new year, a new beginning....

So its been over 6 months since I've blogged and so much has happened its impossible to catch up, but I will be brief in recapping the major points in hopes to excuse my absence.

The beginning of June my marriage blew up and I began a little jouney into single motherhood. To say that I was stressed and anxious is a huge understatement. I wound up needing to find a nanny for my kids every other weekend while I was working. These are for kids who have never been to a sitter or daycare...at all, minus a few times with some close friends who have kids the same age to play with. I spent a ton of time advertising, contacting, interviewing, and debating over who to choose and what to do. I can truly say that God was in control and led me to an awesome person/family that I honestly feel GOOD leaving my kids with, virtually no guilt, no anxiety. Maybe its just the prozac (wink), but honestly the whole thing has been quite refreshing. Its felt good to know that I CAN do it, and its been so, so good not to feel angry all the time. I'm truly just beginning to feel like the "real" me again...the happy one I used to know many years ago.

After taking a few weeks to harbor bad feelings, DH and I really did start to get along and communicate and focus on what was best for the kids. Over the past several months its become apparent that we do still really love each other, but we are not totally sure how to go about mending our marriage and relationship without winding up in the same mess we ended things on. Since Christmas he has been staying here every night but is working full time at a second shift job so our time together is sparse. The plan is for him to move the rest of his things home soon and we will officially START OVER. Its going to be hard, lots of work, especially not to slip back into old angry, frustrated patterns of behavior, but I pray that we can do it, for ourselves and also for our kids. They did ok with everything, but I do long (and intend) for them to have an intact family and one that is not an angry scary place with fighting parents (which is why the separation was so necessary). I'm excited for the changes, it feels good to have goals and positive ideals. So pray for us. I really believe its the only thing that has gotten us this far, and the major thing that will help us from here on!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

YEAH! You're back! I've kept your blog along with the others I check regularly...and was so happy to see a post from you!

You are awesome:)

I'm so glad to hear how things are going. Some very good steps are being taken.

Kristin

Kelli said...

It's good to hear from you. Please know that I will be praying for you. DH and I are in the throws of some rough stuff now, so I do feel and pray for you in a real way. I'm proud of you two for trying. Keep us posted.

MoMologette said...

Thanks for the responses!! I thought I'd just be talking to myself for a while! ;)

Christine said...

Nicole, I'll be praying for you!! It is tough mending relationships. But if it is God's will, it will be so worth it!

Teachermom said...

WOW, Nicole...lots going on! I'm glad that you and J are at a good place in your relationship and that things are going well. It is a long road, I'm sure, but such a good sign that you both realize that there is work to be done.

I'm so glad the childcare situation is working out, also. That's such a blessing!

It's good to see you 'back around.'