Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Where to begin....?

Well, its likely that most people who read my blog (the one or two of you) already know about Mike, but just in case you don't I will fill you in. Shortly after my last post it was determined that Mike's cancer was too far gone for the stem cell transplant and they planned to send him home on hospice Friday March 6th. God had other plans however, and he suddenly passed away on Thursday the 5th. My sisters and I tried to get down to Ohio to see him, but did not make it in time, but were still very thankful we went. The funeral was the following weekend (just this past weekend) so the next week was spent making funeral arrangements and spending hours on sorting, scanning, printing, and arranging pictures for the many picture boards we did. It was actually quite therapeutic and actually left me feeling good to spend that time with my family. We were able to laugh & cry (and drink wine) together. I think Mike was up there smiling down on us. I was at my parents house everyday that week and then the "visitation" was on Friday and funeral on Saturday. Thankfully DH was able to take time off work. His boss was fantastic and overly gracious about everything which was very nice. Those 8 days went by in a blur and I barely saw my kids. Its just good to be back on a regular schedule this week.

I have however been thinking about all my time on the computer and the time that I am not with my kids. I have 3 boards that I post on regularly (Birth boards and a local parenting board), Facebook and my blog (two blogs technically). I cannot shake the overwhelming fear that someday I will loose one of my own children early to some catastrophe (or cancer). I think of all the time now when I tell them "just a minute" so I can read one more blog, or check facebook one more time or reply to one more post. I spend A LOT of time on the computer each day when I should be cherishing my own kids. SO....just when I felt like I was maybe getting in a blogging grove a month ago, I might fall out of it. I'm not sure. I just know I want to walk away from the computer more to read more books and play more games with my kids. Cause quite frankly I just don't know how long God will leave them here.


mommy nurse said...

It sounds like we might be seeing less of you but remember when they go to school you will be kid free! I think for the health of everyone in my family it is good when I have some mommy time. That way when it is kiddy time I am all theirs. The kids went to the Y with dad and when they get home we going to Meijer Garden, no school today!

Kristin said...

Nicole! I have been wondering...but I didn't know that Mike had passed away. It is so hard wondering exactly what God's plan is in these particular situations...and frustrating to know that we aren't always supposed to know the plan. I totally know what you mean about the computer time though..I am SO with you about your feelings there.

Anyway..again, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and will continue to pray for you and your family.