Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Embarking on a Journey....

It may not appear to be quite a "journey" in the physical, tangible sense, but for me the little mini-vacation I'm about to take is going to be a mental and emotional journey.

You see on Wednesday my little family is traveling up north to stay in The Cabins we have been blessed to visit nearly every year since I was a wee child myself. I have so many wonderful, strong, vivid, heartwarming, nostalgic memories of our time at The Cabins. My whole family just calls them The Cabins and we all know WHICH cabins we speak of. The thought of the cabins is soothing, comforting and comfortable like sipping on a rich dark coffee on a cold rainy day. However this year will be different. You see the last time we were at The Cabins exactly one year ago, my mom was there. That was approx. seven weeks before she died. It was the last trip and happy "experience" we had with my mom. It was incredibly bittersweet because we knew she was dying of cancer but we were still holding hope she would last so much longer than she did. Both my sisters were there and we were able to spend some quality time with my mom, moments we will never forget. Every night we held a birthday party for her since we knew she would "miss a few". It was so hard and so good at the same time.

I was ~27 weeks pregnant with KJ and my sister was about 32 wks. pg as well. Our youngest sister was just getting engaged to her highschool sweetheart. Bittersweet, bittersweet times. They still are really.

It will be so hard, yet perhaps comforting to be there, remembering, not only last year but the past 25+ years that we've been going up there. Where once my parents took us, we also take our own children, hoping to relive and recreate the memories that have molded and impressed upon us so much about life and nature. I look forward to grieving, as strange as that sounds, but I think it will be good grieving (is that possible?). I haven't even been to the cemetary since she died, just can't bring myself. But also I don't feel much sense of her spirit there. At The Cabins, I know I will feel her spirit and embrace her memory a bit. I'm a tad anxious about that, not know quite what to expect from myself. I guess we will see.

I DO expect some fun times with my kids and family and lots of great pictures!! I LOVE taking pictures as you will soon learn. Its B-Utiful up there and hopefully the trees will be turning colors and the apples will be ready for pickin'. As for now I MUST make myself get some sleep so I can plan and pack tomorrow (today now).

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